From Duty to Delight

Reading and studying the Bible has not always been a joy for me. In fact, at one time, it was pretty dull!

I read the Bible for many years to fulfill my “required” Christian duties. However, during these years, my Bible study was joyless and fruitless. 

I grew up in church and always had a desire to please God, but for most of my life, my relationship with Him was shallow at best, and I found the Bible to be mostly boring.

Then, in 2011, at thirty years old, I hit rock bottom. Severe depression and anxiety took root. There was no gradual wading into it; instead, it was like a giant wave crashing over me all at once, threatening to take me out. I felt tormented by thoughts of hurting my kids or hurting myself. It was the most challenging time in my life up to that point.

But…

It was also the catalyst that started me on the path to a much deeper relationship with Jesus. I immediately begged God to remove the terrifying thoughts I was having. In my spirit, I heard, “My grace is sufficient for you.” After a quick Google search to locate this phrase in the Bible, I opened to 2 Corinthians 12:9. I didn’t find exactly what I was hoping for, but I found reassurance of a different kind.

The Apostle Paul asked God to remove something tormenting him, but God’s response was not to take away the difficult thing. Instead, He told Paul He would give him the grace to keep going despite his circumstances and that He would be glorified in Paul’s weakness.

I knew God was revealing to me that He would not immediately take away my despair, but He would help me get through it.

God’s Word became my lifeline. Psalm 91 was the first scripture I decided to read and meditate on. I went back to it daily, often more than once. In the middle of the night, when terrifying thoughts kept me awake, I would read it and find peace. I would picture resting under God’s “wings” (Psalm 91:4), and I would remind myself that God was with me and that I belonged to Him (Psalm 91:14-15).

In the initial days of my depression, I only had the strength and mental space to read the same passages over and over. But eventually, as the darkness lifted, I began reading more of the Bible. I enjoyed it more and knew I needed the peace it continued to bring. It was no longer a chore, but it wasn’t yet a delight. I was intimidated by parts of it and still struggled to understand much of it.

Then, I came across a book called Women of the Word by Jen Wilkin. She taught me a way of studying that helped me dig deeper and truly understand what I was reading. That’s when I began learning what joy and delight can be found in studying scripture. Over the years, I have refined my investigative process, adding tools and even taking a seminary class in Bible interpretation. Today, I can’t imagine not enjoying my time with God’s Word. 

My hope is that you will learn to find that same delight in God’s Word as I share my own experiences and what I have learned about studying the Bible. My prayer for you is that “Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have the power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God .” (Ephesians 3:18-19)